Comments for burnedbychurch.org http://burnedbychurch.org A forum for anyone who has been hurt by church. Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:01:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Sally Simpson http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-28 Sally Simpson Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:01:51 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-28 Still going half-time. Forgiveness takes a long time, but it is happening. Letting go of old expectations is hard. Still going half-time. Forgiveness takes a long time, but it is happening. Letting go of old expectations is hard.

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Halley http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-24 Halley Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:05:25 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-24 <i>My husband was one of three pastors at our church in Baltimore. He was fired with no advance notice or warning. The executive pastor who fired him told him it was because he just wasn’t right for the job and it was in the best interests of the church that he move on. So they “transitioned” him on out of the church. It stirred up a lot of garbage I’ve had in churches over the years. When I was in my early 20′s, I went to a church that had me thinking I was crazy. It’s taken decades to recover from that. I’ve been grateful to have found a church where I belong. But now I don’t feel comfortable in the church I’ve called home for the last ten years. What now? We are going to another church that is welcoming, but it really doesn’t fit us. When we go back to our old church now and then, we don’t feel comfortable there anymore. It’s like we have no reason to be there. I hate how people are glad to see us. They kind of know how it hurt that my husband was fired (or “transitioned”). They mean well. But I feel so alienated and lost. I’ve seen a lot of people get hurt by churches. Now I feel like its my turn. Where do I see God? I don’t know. I am bitter. My logical brain tells me that there’s good in it. But it really sucks. I don’t know who I am anymore? My husband is struggling to find work. He’s driving a UPS truck right now to make ends meet. Back to what he did in seminary. I feel like we’ve fallen off the edge of the world. I know God is faithful, but I sure feel lost right now and I don’t like it.</i> +1 My husband was one of three pastors at our church in Baltimore. He was fired with no advance notice or warning. The executive pastor who fired him told him it was because he just wasn’t right for the job and it was in the best interests of the church that he move on. So they “transitioned” him on out of the church.
It stirred up a lot of garbage I’ve had in churches over the years. When I was in my early 20′s, I went to a church that had me thinking I was crazy. It’s taken decades to recover from that. I’ve been grateful to have found a church where I belong. But now I don’t feel comfortable in the church I’ve called home for the last ten years. What now?
We are going to another church that is welcoming, but it really doesn’t fit us. When we go back to our old church now and then, we don’t feel comfortable there anymore. It’s like we have no reason to be there. I hate how people are glad to see us. They kind of know how it hurt that my husband was fired (or “transitioned”). They mean well. But I feel so alienated and lost.
I’ve seen a lot of people get hurt by churches. Now I feel like its my turn.
Where do I see God? I don’t know. I am bitter. My logical brain tells me that there’s good in it. But it really sucks. I don’t know who I am anymore? My husband is struggling to find work. He’s driving a UPS truck right now to make ends meet. Back to what he did in seminary. I feel like we’ve fallen off the edge of the world. I know God is faithful, but I sure feel lost right now and I don’t like it.
+1

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Sally Simpson http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-18 Sally Simpson Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:06:50 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-18 We are going back about half-time. It's nice to reconnect with all our old friends, and we know we are very loved. Time is healing. We still avoid the person who hurt us most, and he is still very much there. I've had a few good cries in recent months about various things. My identity in one area (being a pastor's wife) having been shattered, it's brought up a lot of other strange questions. I'm finding traction some days. Exercise and anti-depressants help. But friends help the most. Community. Not being alone. I'm most grateful for that. We are going back about half-time. It’s nice to reconnect with all our old friends, and we know we are very loved. Time is healing. We still avoid the person who hurt us most, and he is still very much there.
I’ve had a few good cries in recent months about various things. My identity in one area (being a pastor’s wife) having been shattered, it’s brought up a lot of other strange questions. I’m finding traction some days. Exercise and anti-depressants help. But friends help the most. Community. Not being alone. I’m most grateful for that.

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Staff by Connor http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_staff/comment-page-1#comment-10 Connor Fri, 02 Sep 2011 02:02:38 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=90#comment-10 In March 2008, I was hired to be the Director of Media at my church. I was so happy & so was my wife. Better hours, better pay, & doing what I love. For the first two months it was great. Then things changed. My original boss, who understood the nature of my work, was fired & the pastor's wife became my boss. More responsibilities came with no help or support from my boss or her husband. I was forced to attend more meetings which took up what little time I had to work so I had to start working from home & spending less time with my wife. (This is from a church that preached God first, then family, then job.) We added more services which tripled my workload with no assistance again from my boss or her husband. I would get emails from the senior pastor at 11:00 p.m. the night before service to make changes to videos which meant I stayed up all night with little or no sleep. I remember at least three different meetings with my boss telling her I was burnt out. That increasing my workload and waiting to the last minute to make changes was not good for my health and that I need help. I even explained to her what it took to make a video and why you shouldn't wait until the last minute to make changes. All she told me was I just need to make better use of my time and learn to organize better. Nine months into this, I had enough and I started looking for another job. One afternoon, I was called into my boss' office. She said she heard a rumor that I was looking for another job. I confirmed it and told her I was burned out. But until I found another job, I would still give the church 100%. She fired me on the spot. Three years later, I work as a security guard to make ends meet. My wife hasn't had a pay raise in four years due to the nature of her job and we have a one year old. We go to another church now. I do feel this church will be better for us. But now I know what church politics is like and what happens behind the scenes at a church. I just can't do it again. I cannot get involved again with a church. I just want to go on Sunday and leave. But it sucks because I know I can do work for God with my talent. However the fear of being hurt again just scares me. And I cannot put myself or my family through it again. In March 2008, I was hired to be the Director of Media at my church. I was so happy & so was my wife. Better hours, better pay, & doing what I love. For the first two months it was great.

Then things changed. My original boss, who understood the nature of my work, was fired & the pastor’s wife became my boss. More responsibilities came with no help or support from my boss or her husband. I was forced to attend more meetings which took up what little time I had to work so I had to start working from home & spending less time with my wife. (This is from a church that preached God first, then family, then job.) We added more services which tripled my workload with no assistance again from my boss or her husband. I would get emails from the senior pastor at 11:00 p.m. the night before service to make changes to videos which meant I stayed up all night with little or no sleep.

I remember at least three different meetings with my boss telling her I was burnt out. That increasing my workload and waiting to the last minute to make changes was not good for my health and that I need help. I even explained to her what it took to make a video and why you shouldn’t wait until the last minute to make changes. All she told me was I just need to make better use of my time and learn to organize better.

Nine months into this, I had enough and I started looking for another job. One afternoon, I was called into my boss’ office. She said she heard a rumor that I was looking for another job. I confirmed it and told her I was burned out. But until I found another job, I would still give the church 100%. She fired me on the spot.

Three years later, I work as a security guard to make ends meet. My wife hasn’t had a pay raise in four years due to the nature of her job and we have a one year old.

We go to another church now. I do feel this church will be better for us. But now I know what church politics is like and what happens behind the scenes at a church. I just can’t do it again. I cannot get involved again with a church. I just want to go on Sunday and leave. But it sucks because I know I can do work for God with my talent. However the fear of being hurt again just scares me. And I cannot put myself or my family through it again.

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Sally Simpson http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-9 Sally Simpson Thu, 04 Aug 2011 17:32:48 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-9 It's been about a year and a half since my husband was let go at the church. We have surfed around the local places where we know people, but haven't found a home. We are going back to our old church once in a while, too. Sometimes it hurts more than others, but we feel called to keep the door open and reconcile. We went last Sunday and there was a gap in the communion servers, so I jumped up and served. We never withdrew membership there, and it felt like a thing I could do to continue the reconciliation process. It felt good. A common theme and question I frequently ask myself is, "do I feel God's pleasure?" It's a famous quote from Chariots of Fire where the hero is asked why he runs and he replies, "God made me fast and when I run, I feel God's pleasure." I feel His pleasure when I'm in community. And I feel in community especially when I'm serving. I'm not talking about a Mary/Martha kind of "gotta make everything right." I mean that I know God is with me when I'm doing my best to love those around me. I felt a bit of ice melt last Sunday when I served communion, it was quite emotional. I was glad nobody said anything (good or bad). I would have cried. It’s been about a year and a half since my husband was let go at the church. We have surfed around the local places where we know people, but haven’t found a home. We are going back to our old church once in a while, too. Sometimes it hurts more than others, but we feel called to keep the door open and reconcile.

We went last Sunday and there was a gap in the communion servers, so I jumped up and served. We never withdrew membership there, and it felt like a thing I could do to continue the reconciliation process. It felt good.

A common theme and question I frequently ask myself is, “do I feel God’s pleasure?” It’s a famous quote from Chariots of Fire where the hero is asked why he runs and he replies, “God made me fast and when I run, I feel God’s pleasure.” I feel His pleasure when I’m in community. And I feel in community especially when I’m serving. I’m not talking about a Mary/Martha kind of “gotta make everything right.” I mean that I know God is with me when I’m doing my best to love those around me.

I felt a bit of ice melt last Sunday when I served communion, it was quite emotional. I was glad nobody said anything (good or bad). I would have cried.

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Sally Simpson http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-5 Sally Simpson Sun, 29 May 2011 03:53:06 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-5 Where do I see God? It's hard to say. Some days I feel like my life is over. All my closest friends from church are still in my life. I support them in their ministry endeavors (like our friend who was installed as an elder last week) and we are woven into each others' lives. But my semi-official duties as a pastor's wife are over. It's been my life. I still have women I counsel and who look up to me, and I try to be faithful in that. I don't share with them my hurt. I actually try my best to not share with anyone how much I hurt. I know that's one of the things that the devil would like me to do, and I see God's grace in keeping me from it. I want to know what I'm doing. Where I'm headed. And I don't. It's scary. Where do I see God? It’s hard to say. Some days I feel like my life is over. All my closest friends from church are still in my life. I support them in their ministry endeavors (like our friend who was installed as an elder last week) and we are woven into each others’ lives.
But my semi-official duties as a pastor’s wife are over. It’s been my life. I still have women I counsel and who look up to me, and I try to be faithful in that. I don’t share with them my hurt. I actually try my best to not share with anyone how much I hurt. I know that’s one of the things that the devil would like me to do, and I see God’s grace in keeping me from it. I want to know what I’m doing. Where I’m headed. And I don’t. It’s scary.

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Sally Simpson http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-4 Sally Simpson Wed, 25 May 2011 20:37:37 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-4 We went to our old church to support a friend who was being installed as an elder. It was hard. I pray for the pastors I'm angry with regularly and sometimes get relief. But it's hard to forgive. Especially when he preaches about meekness or forgiveness. Ugh! I know the senior pastor is a good man, it's just hard to wish him well. Hard to NOT wish him ill. God, relieve me of this! We went to our old church to support a friend who was being installed as an elder. It was hard. I pray for the pastors I’m angry with regularly and sometimes get relief. But it’s hard to forgive. Especially when he preaches about meekness or forgiveness. Ugh!
I know the senior pastor is a good man, it’s just hard to wish him well. Hard to NOT wish him ill. God, relieve me of this!

]]> Comment on Stories: Burned Member by Sally Simpson http://burnedbychurch.org/burned_member/comment-page-1#comment-3 Sally Simpson Thu, 12 May 2011 23:58:07 +0000 http://burnedbychurch.org/?page_id=92#comment-3 My husband was one of three pastors at our church in Baltimore. He was fired with no advance notice or warning. The executive pastor who fired him told him it was because he just wasn't right for the job and it was in the best interests of the church that he move on. So they "transitioned" him on out of the church. It stirred up a lot of garbage I’ve had in churches over the years. When I was in my early 20′s, I went to a church that had me thinking I was crazy. It’s taken decades to recover from that. I've been grateful to have found a church where I belong. But now I don’t feel comfortable in the church I’ve called home for the last ten years. What now? We are going to another church that is welcoming, but it really doesn’t fit us. When we go back to our old church now and then, we don’t feel comfortable there anymore. It’s like we have no reason to be there. I hate how people are glad to see us. They kind of know how it hurt that my husband was fired (or "transitioned"). They mean well. But I feel so alienated and lost. I’ve seen a lot of people get hurt by churches. Now I feel like its my turn. Where do I see God? I don't know. I am bitter. My logical brain tells me that there's good in it. But it really sucks. I don't know who I am anymore? My husband is struggling to find work. He's driving a UPS truck right now to make ends meet. Back to what he did in seminary. I feel like we've fallen off the edge of the world. I know God is faithful, but I sure feel lost right now and I don't like it. My husband was one of three pastors at our church in Baltimore. He was fired with no advance notice or warning. The executive pastor who fired him told him it was because he just wasn’t right for the job and it was in the best interests of the church that he move on. So they “transitioned” him on out of the church.
It stirred up a lot of garbage I’ve had in churches over the years. When I was in my early 20′s, I went to a church that had me thinking I was crazy. It’s taken decades to recover from that. I’ve been grateful to have found a church where I belong. But now I don’t feel comfortable in the church I’ve called home for the last ten years. What now?
We are going to another church that is welcoming, but it really doesn’t fit us. When we go back to our old church now and then, we don’t feel comfortable there anymore. It’s like we have no reason to be there. I hate how people are glad to see us. They kind of know how it hurt that my husband was fired (or “transitioned”). They mean well. But I feel so alienated and lost.
I’ve seen a lot of people get hurt by churches. Now I feel like its my turn.
Where do I see God? I don’t know. I am bitter. My logical brain tells me that there’s good in it. But it really sucks. I don’t know who I am anymore? My husband is struggling to find work. He’s driving a UPS truck right now to make ends meet. Back to what he did in seminary. I feel like we’ve fallen off the edge of the world. I know God is faithful, but I sure feel lost right now and I don’t like it.

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