If you have been hurt by church or church people, but are not a ministry professional, please tell your story here.
IMPORTANT: Where do you see God in the process?
If you have been hurt by church or church people, but are not a ministry professional, please tell your story here.
IMPORTANT: Where do you see God in the process?
My husband was one of three pastors at our church in Baltimore. He was fired with no advance notice or warning. The executive pastor who fired him told him it was because he just wasn’t right for the job and it was in the best interests of the church that he move on. So they “transitioned” him on out of the church.
It stirred up a lot of garbage I’ve had in churches over the years. When I was in my early 20′s, I went to a church that had me thinking I was crazy. It’s taken decades to recover from that. I’ve been grateful to have found a church where I belong. But now I don’t feel comfortable in the church I’ve called home for the last ten years. What now?
We are going to another church that is welcoming, but it really doesn’t fit us. When we go back to our old church now and then, we don’t feel comfortable there anymore. It’s like we have no reason to be there. I hate how people are glad to see us. They kind of know how it hurt that my husband was fired (or “transitioned”). They mean well. But I feel so alienated and lost.
I’ve seen a lot of people get hurt by churches. Now I feel like its my turn.
Where do I see God? I don’t know. I am bitter. My logical brain tells me that there’s good in it. But it really sucks. I don’t know who I am anymore? My husband is struggling to find work. He’s driving a UPS truck right now to make ends meet. Back to what he did in seminary. I feel like we’ve fallen off the edge of the world. I know God is faithful, but I sure feel lost right now and I don’t like it.
We went to our old church to support a friend who was being installed as an elder. It was hard. I pray for the pastors I’m angry with regularly and sometimes get relief. But it’s hard to forgive. Especially when he preaches about meekness or forgiveness. Ugh!
I know the senior pastor is a good man, it’s just hard to wish him well. Hard to NOT wish him ill. God, relieve me of this!
Where do I see God? It’s hard to say. Some days I feel like my life is over. All my closest friends from church are still in my life. I support them in their ministry endeavors (like our friend who was installed as an elder last week) and we are woven into each others’ lives.
But my semi-official duties as a pastor’s wife are over. It’s been my life. I still have women I counsel and who look up to me, and I try to be faithful in that. I don’t share with them my hurt. I actually try my best to not share with anyone how much I hurt. I know that’s one of the things that the devil would like me to do, and I see God’s grace in keeping me from it. I want to know what I’m doing. Where I’m headed. And I don’t. It’s scary.
It’s been about a year and a half since my husband was let go at the church. We have surfed around the local places where we know people, but haven’t found a home. We are going back to our old church once in a while, too. Sometimes it hurts more than others, but we feel called to keep the door open and reconcile.
We went last Sunday and there was a gap in the communion servers, so I jumped up and served. We never withdrew membership there, and it felt like a thing I could do to continue the reconciliation process. It felt good.
A common theme and question I frequently ask myself is, “do I feel God’s pleasure?” It’s a famous quote from Chariots of Fire where the hero is asked why he runs and he replies, “God made me fast and when I run, I feel God’s pleasure.” I feel His pleasure when I’m in community. And I feel in community especially when I’m serving. I’m not talking about a Mary/Martha kind of “gotta make everything right.” I mean that I know God is with me when I’m doing my best to love those around me.
I felt a bit of ice melt last Sunday when I served communion, it was quite emotional. I was glad nobody said anything (good or bad). I would have cried.
We are going back about half-time. It’s nice to reconnect with all our old friends, and we know we are very loved. Time is healing. We still avoid the person who hurt us most, and he is still very much there.
I’ve had a few good cries in recent months about various things. My identity in one area (being a pastor’s wife) having been shattered, it’s brought up a lot of other strange questions. I’m finding traction some days. Exercise and anti-depressants help. But friends help the most. Community. Not being alone. I’m most grateful for that.
My husband was one of three pastors at our church in Baltimore. He was fired with no advance notice or warning. The executive pastor who fired him told him it was because he just wasn’t right for the job and it was in the best interests of the church that he move on. So they “transitioned” him on out of the church.
It stirred up a lot of garbage I’ve had in churches over the years. When I was in my early 20′s, I went to a church that had me thinking I was crazy. It’s taken decades to recover from that. I’ve been grateful to have found a church where I belong. But now I don’t feel comfortable in the church I’ve called home for the last ten years. What now?
We are going to another church that is welcoming, but it really doesn’t fit us. When we go back to our old church now and then, we don’t feel comfortable there anymore. It’s like we have no reason to be there. I hate how people are glad to see us. They kind of know how it hurt that my husband was fired (or “transitioned”). They mean well. But I feel so alienated and lost.
I’ve seen a lot of people get hurt by churches. Now I feel like its my turn.
Where do I see God? I don’t know. I am bitter. My logical brain tells me that there’s good in it. But it really sucks. I don’t know who I am anymore? My husband is struggling to find work. He’s driving a UPS truck right now to make ends meet. Back to what he did in seminary. I feel like we’ve fallen off the edge of the world. I know God is faithful, but I sure feel lost right now and I don’t like it.
+1
Still going half-time. Forgiveness takes a long time, but it is happening. Letting go of old expectations is hard.