Welcome to BurnedByChurch.org, a site devoted to the understanding and reconciliation of those who have been hurt by the church or people who represent the church (priests, pastors, elders, deacons, lay leaders, etc.). We are not a church-bashing site. The point of the site is to work through issues.
Have you been fired by a church you thought was the place you had been called to work? Have you had to fire an employee? Fire a pastor? Have you been disciplined by your church? Felt you were treated unfairly? Have you, or do you feel like your needs were ignored and unmet by your church? Let’s talk it over here.
The goal of this site is for the edification of the church. It is not just a place to vent (although you may find it cathartic). The hope is that by giving a safe place to tell your story, this site will both console those who have been burned, and educate those in positions to be able to burn someone.
Try to keep the format of your story to the facts of the case, what your expectations were, and how you felt, what you have learned at this point, and where you see God in all the mess.
Ground Rules
First, a few definitions and ground rules.
Believers are called to worship and grow together. That’s a church. The problem with the church is that it’s made of people. Broken, unreliable, not-yet-totally-sanctified people. We get expectations that the other party doesn’t have, and those expectations don’t get met. In fact they get destroyed. But we are still called to church. Called to forgiveness. Called to reconciliation. You know, the stuff that gets preached regularly at CHURCH. We know in the best of circumstances that it doesn’t come easy if it comes at all. But what if your source of inspiration and strength for forgiveness and reconciliation is the very one that has hurt you?
That’s what this site is for.
Whether or not reconciliation is part of your story, this is a place to process the hurt when you’ve been burned. A place to tell your story. Honestly, and anonymously. It is not a place to bash the church at large, your church, your pastor, the person who hurt you. It is a place to process.
All entries will be moderated. Try to avoid profanity, or at least be prudent with it. Express your feelings and if you need to use foul language, just know that the purpose is to be helpful in the long run. Your story can be helpful to others, but you may alienate them with too many “choice” words. (I only say this because it’s a particular problem of mine.) This isn’t meant to be a G-rated blog. Let’s shoot for PG-13.
To recap.
- Tell your story. What happened? How did you feel? What were your expectations? Do you feel your expectations were justified?
- Don’t bash people or institutions.
- Stay anonymous. Call people by their title only (executive pastor, bishop, music director). No names. Keep this a safe place for you and for them. Try for the attitude that your adversary is no more or less a hypocrite than you are. You are just the one who got hurt this time.
A Word About Anonymity
If we can remain anonymous, we might find it safer to tell our stories. Many of us have been further burned because we told something in confidence that wasn’t held. If we can process this anonymously, it might help us feel free to share honestly.
To actually be honest, we need to figure out a way to remain anonymous, though. Our stories are specific and can be recognized, even if we change names. One suggestion will be to fictionalize the facts. Perhaps if everybody starts off with “I was a pastor of a small church in a large mid-western city…” or something like that, it might help. It may be best if you use a part of the country (or world) that you have no connection to. Don’t say you’re from a church in Orlando if everybody at your church in Phoenix knows you’re from Orlando. Say Tulsa.
Use titles, not names. Call Pastor Bob by his title, e.g. “my executive pastor told me…”.
These are just a few suggestions, but know that the spirit is to enable us to be as honest as possible.
When telling your story, keep in mind that the goal for this entire exercise is for the edification of the church – God’s body.